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Republicans Introduce Federal Bills to 'Restrict the Spread' of Critical Race Theory as CRT Continues to Live in Their Heads Rent-Free


Rep. Dan Bishop (R-N.C.) talks with Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) on the House steps at the U.S. Capitol on March 11, 2021 in Washington, D.C.
Rep. Dan Bishop (R-N.C.) talks with Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) on the House steps at the U.S. Capitol on March 11, 2021 in Washington, D.C.
Photo: Drew Angerer (Getty Images)

At this point, Republicans are Haley Joel Osment curled up underneath his covers whispering to Bruce Willis, “I see Critical Race Theory.”

They’re convinced that you can’t get Critical Race Theory wet or feed it after midnight, otherwise it will spread and gremlin-ize Americans everywhere into hating their country as well as their whiteness.

They truly believe that if Critical Race Theory kills you in the dream world, you’ll become woke, leftist and Black in the real world.

What I’m saying is, these fools are obsessed while CRT doesn’t even know them like that.

NBC News reports that on Wednesday, a group of House Republicans upped the ante in their war against CRT—which, for the most part, has been fought at the state level—by introducing federal anti-CRT bills aimed at banning CRT-based diversity training for federal employees and members of the military.

Rep. Dan Bishop (R-N.C.) stood at the pulpit (Get it? Because his name is Bishop) in Washington and removed all doubt from anyone who suspects that he might not know what the fuck he’s talking about.

“Critical race theory is a divisive ideology that threatens to poison the American psyche,” Bishop preached to the choir during the news conference. “For the sake of our children’s future, we must stop this effort to cancel the truth of our founding and our country.”

Republicans are also obsessed with “cancel culture.” They think the “truth” of America’s founding is being “canceled” because educators and academics dared to bring Black perspective and systemic racism into the discussion. Republican “truth” means slavery, Jim Crow and the near-extermination of Native Americans were mere footnotes in America’s journey to be great.

The first bill introduced by Republicans who think the greatest trick Critical Race Theory ever pulled was convincing the world it didn’t exist, is a bill linked to legislation introduced by Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Ark.) earlier this year. The bill, called the Combatting Racist Training in the Military Act, bans CRT from being taught in the U.S. Armed Forces—even though no one can seem to present evidence that it’s being taught in the military.

The second bill called the Stop CRT Act (Republicans are clearly not going for cleverness or subtlety when it comes to naming these acts) is meant to honor ex-y’all’s-president Donald Trump’s policy to ban “un-American” diversity training from federal agencies—an order the Labor department suspended in January because it’s racist and stupid AF.

Bishop said that the pro-racist-troops bill “stands for the idea that CRT does not belong in our armed forces,” and that the “Stop CRT Act will be the most comprehensive legislation to restrict the spread of CRT.”

Obviously, these people don’t listen to actual educators when deciding through legislation what should be included in education, but here’s a poignant quote from one anyway:

“Many that are condemning critical race theory haven’t read it or studied it intensely,” Jonathan Chism, assistant professor of history at the University of Houston–Downtown and co-editor of “Critical Race Studies Across Disciplines,” previously told NBC. “This is largely predicated on fear: the fear of losing power and influence and privilege. The larger issue that this is all stemming from is a desire to deny the truth about America, about racism.”

By haven’t “studied it intensely,” Chism really means “studied it at the fuck all.” None of these fragile-ass conservatives have bothered learning the first thing about what they’ve been railing against. They just know it makes them uncomfortable and it makes America look exactly like America.

That’s why they’re so obsessed with banning it from the nation that they’ve made CRT more famous than it was when it was developed decades ago.

At this point, CRT is not only squatting in the heads of Republicans rent-free, it’s living there on welfare and receiving SNAP benefits on the taxpayer’s dime.

It’s almost as if white conservatives need to get the hell over themselves and stop trying to “cancel” all of the things they hate.

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